How Anxiety Killed My Relationship

When I finally found the one guy I’d been looking for my whole life, my inability to cope meant I lost him completely. Here’s how:

1. Enjoying the moment was impossible. 

 My brain was constantly running in overdrive and I couldn’t turn it off. There were moments where I thought how amazing this guy was, and how I should take it all in and enjoy it, but I couldn’t live in the moment because I was so concerned about the next moment. When was the next moment going to happen? Was there going to be another moment? Was this the last one?! It was so hard for me to let go and enjoy him that I ended up living in the pretend future, hoping that I would have more moments with him not realizing how special the present one was.

2. I became a pessimist.

 The rug is always going to be pulled out from under me — this is what I thought about everything. At any moment, he was going to ghost me or all of the sudden he would change into this person I created in my head. I know people aren’t perfect (God knows I’m not), but I expected him to be.  I would only look at his negative qualities and couldn’t see the any of his positive ones. I made up the most random excuses to make him seem not as perfect as I wanted him to be.

3. My past relationships affected this one. 

 A lot of my anxiety has stemmed from years of failed relationships. Whether they ended on good terms or bad, I carried all of those problems and insecurities into my brand new relationship and weighed it down without even knowing it because I was thinking the same thing was going to happen. I was so afraid of my past repeating itself, I made exactly that happen.

4. I overanalyzed everything.

 I could never turn my brain off. Every thought I had traveled from every crevice of my brain, picking up every emotion and natural disaster it could before landing in an imaginary world where fake problems existed. I began to feel my chest get tight over a problem that didn’t actually exist in real life. I would begin to formulate solutions for a conversation between he and I that only existed in my head.

5. Everything was a worst-case scenario.  

Anxiety doesn’t make you logical. My mind was constantly filled with negative thoughts and worst case scenarios. I would hope for the best but really, truly feel like the worst was the only option I had and that it was the only option I thought I deserved. I thought if I did this, I wouldn’t be disappointed if my happily ever after never came to fruition.

6. I was irrational and emotionally detached.

 My friends tried their best to calm my nerves and tame my anxiety. I knew they thought I was crazy and completely irrational. I would go on and on about this non-existent problem I thought was happening and they would smile, hug me and tell me it was going to be OK. Secretly, I know they were worried about my sanity. I would obsess about every little thing, but I would never tell him. I didn’t want him to see how vulnerable I was, which made me seem distant and cold. I was holding everything in waiting for him to figure out I wasn’t the “cool girl” but the scared girl hiding in the corner.

7. I acted out of fear.

 My fight-or-flight reaction affected my ability to be a whole person in a relationship. No matter how much I liked him, I would let the fear of losing him dominate my mind, which made it hard to fall in love or even trust him. I wanted so badly to tell him I was in love with him, but I couldn’t. I was stuck in this place where I was afraid to do the wrong thing or say the wrong thing, fearful he didn’t love me back or would leave. My anxiety made me fearful that I wasn’t enough.

8. I needed constant validation. 

 It wasn’t like I fell into his arms and said, “Tell me I’m pretty!” but I needed to know where we stood any time I was worried or scared. I wanted to know he wasn’t going to leave if there was a problem or if I told him about my anxiety. My insecurity about my anxiety made me insecure in the solidarity of our relationship. My inability to tell him and trust him made it hard for him to love me.

9. I couldn’t trust in the process.

 One of my friends once said, “Everyone has baggage, but I only want carry on.” I remember laughing at her and thinking I had never heard a more true statement. We all have things in our past we struggle with, but we can’t let it hinder what great things may come in the future. The unexpected is just that—unexpected. Learning to let go and let love is the only way to give your relationship a chance. If your partner truly wants to make it work, they’ll be understanding of your hesitations and anxiety, but doing your part in trusting them with your heart is half the battle.

Source: thebolde

10 Things Ladies Don’t Want To See In Your Dating Profile

It is hard to actually bring out your good side on a profile, and at times, what you think works well is actually a pretty bad idea. We have all been there. However, there are certain things that you just should not ever put in your dating profile if you want a girl to think you are attractive. Here are just a few of them:

1. Photos of you and your ex (or any other female).

 When I see this on a guy’s profile, it basically screams, “I’m probably still dating her.” At best, you will look lazy and hung up on your ex. At worst, you will end up looking like a cheater who’s looking to score a side chick. Do not do it, bro!

2. Personal bios that say absolutely nothing about you.

 Oh, so you like to have fun? That is great! I would hate to be around someone who openly proclaims that they like to be miserable. And you like to be both indoors and outdoors… so you like to exist? This does not really tell anyone anything, does it? I really wish guys would be a smidge more specific about what they like to do, what they do for a living and what kind of things they dislike.

3. Rants about women.

 We get it, you have been hurt before. That does not mean that women will actually be cool with you talking about how “all girls want is money or looks.” In fact, as someone who was born female, I take offense to that. Besides, if you so clearly hate women, why date us?

4. A laundry list of physical features you want in a woman. 

 Believe it or not, this does not actually help you score with the hot girls you want to date. Actually, even if I was at least 5’7″ and under 140 pounds, I still would not date a guy who had this in his profile because of what it tells us about your personality. All that this ever shows girls is how shallow you are — and how likely it is that you will not see past our bodies.

5. Discussions about your p*nis, or how you are in bed.

 If you do this, you might as well just write “I am a fu*kboy” on your dating profile. It is trashy, and it suggests that you are probably too selfish to be any good in bed.

6. Your career resume.

 Do not get me wrong, a degree from Princeton would be really nice to have in a guy. However, I do not want to date a guy who relies on his money or degree to sell himself to other people.

7. Saying that you “deserve” a woman with a certain physique.

 Even if you are really physically fit, saying this just makes you unattractive.

 No one wants a guy who feels that entitled to eye candy, even if he justifies it by talking about how “hard he’s worked” to get what he already has.

8. Slut-shaming.

 This is scarily common on dating profiles, and I just do not understand it. If you cannot stand sluts and hate s*x, why would we want to sleep with you? Moreover, why would anyone want to date someone who will flat-out call them a skank?

9. Photos of you posing with guns, knives or swords.

 This might work with a select few girls, but the fact is that it makes most girls think you are the Unabomber’s nephew. Even if it is anime-related, it is not something that is attractive. Remember, girls are often scared of the fact that the guy they might be talking to online

10. Lies.

 Lastly, if you are 45 and claim that you are 35, I will eventually find out. If you are talking about how you have a Master’s degree in psych but did not even graduate college, it will be obvious. If you are lying on your profile, I will immediately dismiss you — as will most other women.

Culled: thebolde

10 Good Reasons Ambitious Women Are Amazing In Bed

Ambitious women set goals, meet deadlines and achieve our dreams, so it only makes sense that we would also be just as boss in the bedroom.

Here are 10 reasons ambitious women are such amazing lovers:

We have our eye on the finish line. 
 Ambitious women know where we want to go and we do everything we can to get there. When we want to get our partner off, we are going to do everything we can to make it happen, and to make it the best org*sm ever. What a lucky dude.

We want to be the best.  

Ambitious women know we need to be elite if we want to achieve our long list of dreams, so we strive to be the best. We work harder and play harder than anyone else, and that goes for the bedroom too. In fact, we just may be the best you have ever had.

We hold ourselves to high standards.  

We set high standards for ourselves and work daily to hold ourselves to them and sometimes exceed them, even in the bedroom. We are not the lazy, lay-there-like-a-corpse type — we are mind blowing.

We always find ways around obstacles.

 P*nis is too big? Find another position! Not turned on enough? A little oral ought to fix that. There is no problem inside or out of the bedroom that we do not feel ready to tackle… including an amazing O for us and our partner.

We find creative ways to do things.

 Maybe an ice cube during a bl*w job or a new spin on a favorite position. We know that creativity goes a long way, and we like to think outside the box to come up with new and unique ways to make s*x more exciting and enjoyable every time.

We define and keep priorities.

 We know that defining our priorities are required to get sh*t done, and if the priority is an org*sm, then we are going to put that front and center to get the job done. When you are with us, you will always be the only thing that matters in that moment — our sights are set entirely on you.

We are always hungry for more.

 Ambitious women can never get enough and always want more. This makes us hungry lovers who are hard to satiate and always ready to go again and again. Like everything we spend our valuable time and energy on, we love s*x and enjoy it to the fullest.

We keep trying until we get it right.

 We know how good amazing s*x can be and if the first time does not do the trick, we will keep going until it is exactly how we envisioned it. Practice makes perfect, after all — and makes for a lot of org*sms, too.

We know it can always be better we are willing to work to make it happen.  

Ambitious women know that hard work gets us places, but we also know that things can always be better than they are with just a little more hard work. Think of it this way: missionary is awesome, but missionary with hips raised and legs wrapped around him is much better. It is a little more work, but with a better result.

We care about ourselves and getting where we need to be.

 We may be considered selfish, but in the bedroom it just means we are focused on taking our org*sm and s*xual needs in their own hands. We do not expect a guy to do it for us (though he should) — we are happy to be hands-on too.

Credits: thebolde

9 Pure Signs You are Ready For Marriage

So you think you might be ready to take the marriage plunge?Before you jump into the biggest decision of your life, consider this ‘Are your ready?’ checklist.

1. Is your relationship past the “I need to spend every second unclad with you” stage? As great as that stage is, it is not how life goes. You need to love your partner out of bed.

2. Are you over 25? Brain studies suggest that our brains are not fully developed until we are 25 and thus our decision-making may be a bit sluggish.

3. Have you really addressed the red flags in your relationship or the ones that you have noticed in your partner? If not, it is time to do that right this minute. Get your head out of the sand and address the issues that may become bigger later. You are never going to find a partner that doesn’t have a few red flags, so you have to decide if you can live with the flags they have or not.

4. If you have addressed the red flags, are you willing to accept them or are you thinking you can change your partner after you get married? Take it from a marriage veteran: Getting married with the hopes of changing your partner is doomed to fail! Either accept them as is or end the relationship.

5. Have you talked about having children and religion? Will you have children? If so, how many? How much time will you spend with extended family? What role will they play in your lives? Religion? These are the issues that often lead to arguments between couples.

6. Who will manage the bank accounts and other household requirements? Will you share in both parenting duties as well as working outside of the home duties? What if one of your careers requires a move? Talking openly and honestly about them and not assuming you know the answer will be crucial to future marital harmony.

7. Can you envision yourself walking hand in hand with this person when you are over 60? Marriage, when done right, is a marathon and you need to pace yourself. To stay together for the long haul you really need to enjoy each other’s company.

8. Have you had a brutally honest conversation about s*x and fidelity? Can you see being happy for the rest of your life having s*x with just this one person? If not, can you have a conversation about what needs to happen—either in the relationship or within yourself—for that to be true?

9. Finally ask yourself what you value most in life and how you love to spend your time. Will your potential partner support (or even be part of) your dreams and goals? Giving up any major aspect of yourself in order to make someone happy is a really awful idea and will ultimately sever your relationship.

9 Sure Ways To Know Your Man is Lying

Lies, both big and little, can come from a well-meaning place or somewhere more sinister. Whatever the intention, the tricks of spotting a lie are the same. While understanding his underlying motivation to lie can make it easier to spot his tell, there is a good chance he’ll display one of these incriminating behaviors when being less than honest:

1. Stuttering is a classic sign of lying. Not telling the truth can cause a short-circuit of the brain, creating a gap in smooth conversation when an excuse to cover up the truth is not thought of quick enough.

2. When the liar can not come up with a plausible story, repetition happens. The details he can come up with are repeated again and again, scrambling to cover something up.

3. Pausing and stalling are signs of forgetfulness. These signs tend to rear their ugly heads when creating new lies to cover old tracks or when recalling old lies.

4. The past is honestly misremembered from time to time, but critical details that excuse absences, disappointments or unexplained events should never change. If you are noticing a change in details, that is a good sign there is been some lying going on.

5. If his story sounds rehearsed or is repeated mmultiple times, you can almost bet it is a lie.

6. During a discussion, if your guy under-reacts (like staring into space and staying silent to your accusations) or over-reacts (becoming aggressive and starts a fight) there is probably an underlying problem he is hiding. Extreme reactions to questions are big red flags.

7. Fleeing
the scene is a common option for liars. He will make excuses to leave the conversation and sometimes the house, making it impossible to get the full story. More importantly, leaving gives him time to make up a more plausible story.

8. Shifting the focus
to something else is a way to deflect the spotlight and avoid uncomfortable feelings. A less creative but more cunning man may try this tactic instead of telling a story he knows is untrue.

9. When you lie, it is a natural to not want to make eye contact. Avoiding eye contact is one of the best ways to give away your honesty. Notice where your man’s eyes are looking when he’s telling you his story.
When your guy gets caught in a lie it is usually an embarrassing and nerve-racking ordeal. Some people use lying to get ahead, like it is some sort of game or challenge. In extreme cases, lying is a good indicator of sociopath behavior and narcissism. Sometimes, dishonesty is a learned reflex from an abusive childhood. However, remember that lying is also a natural human instin

You Should Make Your Girlfriend Your Wife (8 Signs)

Lets just go straight to the point by giving you the points which you need to know

1. You are incredibly happy to see her
 If seeing your lady fills your heart with everlasting joy, you need to make sure you get to see her every single day (aka marry her).

2. She does not take herself too seriously
If she can laugh at herself, she is probably the kind of person who can shrug off mistakes and move on, which is a pretty great trait to have in a future spouse.

3. You want to be her kids’ dad
If you want to father her children, you should probably marry her. Also, if she is the kind of woman you want to mother your children, that is a great sign as well.

4. She cooks amazing pancakes
If your lady has some kind of special talent like pancake art, do not think you are going to find someone as awesome somewhere else. You are lucky to be with her and all her special traits.

5. She is smart
If your girl has a quick wit that takes her places but keeps you on your toes, she is a keeper.

6. You love her when she is crazy
You do not have to be super attracted to her when she is being a terror. But if you still love her when everything terrible is happening, you need to marry her.

7. She loves you too
If she loves you as well, this is the lady you are looking for.

8. You can not imagine life without her
If you go dead trying to imagine a future without her in it, just wife her already.
Enough said, what are you waiting for?